Valentine's Day Venting

[Nicholle]

Well, I never did follow up after my date because for some reason, he pulled a disappearing act. We went to a party one night, about a week after my last post, and a poetry slam afterwards, which he performed in, and had a great time. I asked him to call me the next day- he didn't, and I have yet to hear from him, 2 months later.

Anyway....

I wanted to vent about V day. I am very happy for all of my married friends, my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I tell all of them to appreciate their mates, because it is no fun being lonely!

(Honestly, I'm happy exactly where I am. I would like to be in a loving healthy adult relationship, but I am open to the adventure of finding that new partner, and that's exactly what I tell my single friends- we are in for the adventure of a lifetime, literally! )

They (my married friends) on the other hand envy my "freedom" "independence" and "simplicity" when it comes to decision making.

Is there a happy medium? I ask this question regarding men, and relationships. Is there a "man" in my age range (early thirties) who desires an educated, spiritually and emotionally healthy, mature, honest partner, who communicates clearly, and knows what she wants in life?

My mom suggests I look to professional men who are on my "level" but I honestly find that these men are quite intimidated by a woman who can discuss politics, history, business AND the latest rap music. On the contrary, they want trophy wives who are docile, obedient, and willing to deal with their dominance.

For my married friends, I have to ask if there is a happy medium in the union? Can two people share a life without codependency and ownership? Can they respect one another enough to give each other the space they need to grow? Will they allow one another the true freedom they need to continue evolving? Will they appreciate the stages of marriage and relationships knowing that each stage is only temporary? Are they secure enough to tolerate friendships that are imperative to one another's growth? Is there room in marriage for physical separation in order to increase appreciation?

I guess I want to know if people can peacefully coexist, live and thrive?

[Trisha Martin]

Hey Nicolle, it's been a while since I've been here and am sorry to hear about your journey down a dead end street. Since we last communicated, I've changed lanes because my two year relationship turned out to be a dead end as well. Only time and good observation can keep us from traveling too long on the wrong road. But I am also happy to report that on the Saturday before Valentine's Day, on a humbug, I went to a pre-Valentine's Day dance and found the new love of my life who has claimed me to be his future wife as soon as we line everything up. We've been together for almost two months now and it has been a grand experience in all areas of our relationship. What's ironic is he shares the same last name as the man I divorced. It's really funny because I can just see God up there laughing His head off saying, "Yeah, and you thought paying to change your name was going to work." My sons all have the same last name as their new father-to-be. Anyway, sweetie, hang in there. Most relationships are just lessons we must learn along the way in order to know how to be and how to treat our real mates. There's really no way of predicting IF two people can do this or do that, if they truly love each other and have a solid relationship from the start, they should be able to weather the storms that sometimes cloud even the best of marriages.