Anxiety...

[Nicholle]

Hey Ladies,

I am really dealing with some anxiety right now.

As you all know, I was relieved of duties from a long term relationship this summer. It lasted for six years and was big fun, but the long distances for long periods of time eventually took their toll on both of us.

So now, I am starting over. And... I have a crush!!!! It has been a long time since I had one of these, and its so funny to me and my friends. I think they ask me about him just to see me gush and smile, because I am usually a very serious person.

Anyway... I was talking to the object of my affection the other day and found out two very valuable facts...1. he IS single and 2. he IS looking for a "friend"

Now, its been four months, of weekly fasting (which I was doing before the breakup), daily prayer, daily meditation, studying my spiritual texts, participating in grief recovery, and reading about the psychology of sexual health/dysfunction, working out, eating right and all of that other stuff we do to regain our health and sanity.

And when I heard these facts... How about I froze?!?!?!?!? The brother basically gave me the open door, and I just stood there and could not walk through it. Aaaaaaargh!!!! What was that about? How do I get over the anxiety/fear/doubt, and actually take that first step back into the world of interacting with men?

[Trisha Martin]

I know giving your heart to someone new after being in a long-term relationship can be scary, but the thrill of the newness and all the wonderful possibilites should give you the lil push that you need. Just as the other ladies said, take it slow and enjoy the ride. Dating is like a job, there are good bosses and bad bosses, but in the end, you still can get something positive out of it.

[Que Jacobs]

Why rush? Anything worth having takes time. Enjoy the giddiness. Sometimes it gets easier to take on the next relationship when we escape from the pressure of the labels that are put on relationships. Take your time girl and enjoy every moment that you share with this new beau. Before you know it, youwill be right where you want to be...back in love.

[Julie]

Nicholle - No problem sis. In Iyanla Vanzant's latest re-release "Tapping the Power Within" she has a full chapter on Breathing. She says that "Breathing is the life-sustaining exercise that brings the spirit into balance. It calms the emotions." I am very happy now with my new found love and I am sure you will be soon whether with this guy or another. God Bless you sis. And don't forget to just... breathe.

Julie

[Nicholle]

Julie,
You two are such a cute couple! Thank you for the advice- especially the part about taking a deep breath! I needed that. Your story is beautiful, and inspiring, I appreciate you sharing it. I am still in shock that I froze like I did. when I talked to my friends, they all said - He gave you the opening and you said what?!?!?! - So, i guess I still have some preparation to do, and I will take baby steps... phone calls, lunch, etc, until I can handle more. And I will breathe!

[Julie]

Ok sis, First, just take a deep breath. Second, don't rush it. I was out of a 15 year relationship just this past January and when I felt I was ready to start dating it was the most scary, confusing, depressing and strange thing. I hadn't dated in over 15 years.

But oneday I finally said "you know what, if I am going to meet someone I must be willing to try something different." So I did, I went into my cell phone and called a friend I had a crush on some time before. We basically met a year earlier, had talked a few times over the phone but never went out. I called him up oneday found out that he was single and was looking for a friend as you did and walla! At that moment I decided to "try something different". At the time he lived in Pennsylvania and I in Baltimore. To make a long story short I invited myself to come to PA of which he agreed to take me out to dinner. That same day after work I drove to PA and he took me to dinner. That was 8 months ago. We have went from wonderful friends to great lovers to now being in love and talking about marriage. This man is everything I have ever dreamed about and it would not have happened if I hadn't decided to take a chance, do something different and call him. Life is all about risks. Don't be afraid to take them because you may miss out on some wonderful opportunities. And that is my story!