In Limbo

[Nature's Best]

Greetings! I have been struggling with the decision to give my children's father another chance or end that chapter of my life in preparation for a new relationship. I have 3 children and have been involved with "X" for 7 years. We tried living together but I began to feel like I was being used as a crutch. He was so needy and while I didn't mind doing all that I could for the man that I loved, I realized my needs were not being met. So I asked him to leave and he did. I thought he would eventually move on to the next crutch, but he didn't. That was 3 years ago. Since then I have strengthened my relationship with GOD, earned my MS degree and relocated. I have not met or dated anyone who I feel is worthy or worth it.

My questions are 1) Is he the one? 2) Why hasn't God sent me the one (if he's not) 3) What do I do?

I have doubts about our relationship. He can not provide all that I need. He can't afford to take me out or travel with me. He, most of the time, can't afford to spend quality time with me b/c he is working most of the time when I am not working. That raises another question. Will anyone be able to provide ALL that I need? I keep telling myself that God knows what I need and the right one will meet all of my needs. Is that unrealistic? Is God keeping me free for "X"?

I'm very confused.

[Nicholle]

Hey Nature,

Look at what you wrote and I think you will find the answer to your question.

You want someone who can provide for you, who wants to travel and go out with you, who can spend quality time with you and your children as well (I'm assuming)

This man can not do that.

Either one of two things must happen.

You accept him where he is- he works a lot, is your children's father and is open to a relationship with you

or

You go for what you want- someone who makes more money than the X, someone who wants to spend quality time with you and who can fulfill your needs

1. He is not what you are looking for.
2. Have you asked God to send you the one?
3. You need to make sure you are fully ready for a relationship (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, socially)
You need to pray for clarity in how to proceed with X or ask God what is X's purpose in your life
Ask for what you want.

[Nature's Best]

Thank you for your words of wisdom and direction. I agree with you, he can not give me what I want. I think I get caught up with the thought that I will not find what I want. That I will continue to fly solo because what I want in a relationship does not exist. On the other hand, I do pray for God's will to be done. His plan for me may not include a husband or when the time is right the "perfect for me" husband will be discovered. That scares me because I am a loving and giving person and I desire to give and receive that deep, intimate love that only my husband can reciprocate.

Speaking with others has got me thinking, maybe I am not fully ready. I have a very busy life (children, students, natural hair care. A friend of mine painted a picture of marriage that seemed to mean I would need to be willing to give up some things like my career in order to be a wife. I disagreed because my career is part of who I am. She in turn explained that who I am now is a single mother who has no choice but to work and provide for my family. However a husbands role is to be the provider and if he suggested I manage the houshold then I should sumit to that request. What are your feelings about that?

Mine thoughts are that the perfect man for me would not demand that of me. He would be supportive and understand that I had an established life before him and not want to change that but add to it.

I do pray for clarity but maybe i am not listening to the answeres God gives to my prayers. Also I still concern myself with how the X will feel if and when I move on with someone else. I don't want to devistate him or discourage him from continuing to better himself. I and the children are motivation for him to make positive changes and choices.