Something Different

[Ladie M]

I am not sure if we have covered this topic but my girlfriends and I were discussing black women and other-than-black men relationships. Most of my GFs did not want to even consider seriously connecting with anything but black men! I was really shocked by thier traditional, antiquated view of dating. They mostly believed that when out in public she would be seen as his "ho". Another reason given as to why they refuse to date outside of their race was that he would not be a good lover. So, I bring it to you all. Why do black women still carry the torch for black men?

[Nicholle]

Ladie M,

This is a juicy topic. I think Black women are aware of our history with white men in America. Not to mention the ancestral advice black girls have been given about white men- dangerous, dirty, vile, users, etc.etc.etc. These two facts alone- rape and abuse during slavery and the advice and warnings from our moms, grandmas, aunties etc. have quelled ANY thoughts we would have about dating white men.

Now, as for dating men of other races- Latino, Asian, Native American, I am not sure why we shy away from them. Maybe an expectation of cultural discomfort, and again, being told by our community and family that Black Men are our natural counterparts.

Plus, you have to remember, half of black women in our generation grew up without their fathers, so they still have that daddy hunger, they are still trying to create a picture of the happy black family that they may not have had growing up.

Finally, how much interaction do black women have with men of other races in a social situation? I mean outside of work where we have to keep it professional, and business where we are just purchasing goods and services? How many of us go to church, play sports, live next door to, or in any other way socialize with men of other races?

I'm not so sure if we are carrying a torch for black men, or if its honestly all we know....

[Ladie M]

OK. Good Answer! lol I agree with all of the above. Your response has moved me to question even deeper this semmingly expected committment to only black men. How is it that black men escaped the memories of lynchings for even lifting their eyes to look at a white woman? How is it that black men do not try to capture the black family life that they too were denied through the sexual exploitation (breeding) and ripping apart of black family through the thoughtless selling of "mandingos"? How are these black men finding so many other-than-black women if we as black people as a whole move in the same circles of church, sports, neighborhoods, etc? Nicholle, you gave me a lot to ponder but now my can of worms just got more crowded! Have black women failed to embrace the dating renaissance? Have we become brain washed to believe that the only men who find us attractive are black men-why by the way, who aren't "finding" many of us these days? .............things that make you go hmmmm..

[Trisha Martin]

Ladie M, I can only speak for my lil ole self. My soul has never desired anything but a "brotha". Figuring them out is hard enough and we are culturely linked. Don't have the time or energy to be trying to figure "other" folk out. What brotha do you know who cuts folk up and puts them in freezers and cooks them later for dinner? Giiiirrrrrrrrllllllllll, I can't be so bothered. and that's just mi3centsworth.

[Ladie M]

Wow!! Trisha, you don't know how many times I have heard comments along this line of thought. I am saddened by this. I believe it to be the number one reason why so many black women are single, shacking, taking abuse, accepting cheating, willing share a man, and remain unhappy and unfulfilled. Black men know that black women feel this way about them. This is why they opt to be with other race women in our faces and even flaunt it to the point where you feel there sarcastic stance when you see him out together in public with his non-black woman. It is his ego stroker to think he's in hot demand.

People are crazy in general. Skin color has nothing to do with common sense or a sane mind. Do you watch the news?!! Just the other day I read on the net how a preacher killed his wife and stuffed her in the family deep freezer 4 years earlier--A BLACK MAN! What about the cop who killed his white girlfriend mistress and rolled her body in the carpet only to have the 2 year old tell police "daddy put mommy in the rug"--A BLACK MAN!

Black women had better get off of it and open their minds to receive love from the man who loves them. God made us all the same. Why is skin color such a divider? Black men have opened the borders to their hearts and yet black women continue to sit and beg like blind men holding tin cups waiting for a "brotha" to drop something in and the only thing most of them are dropping is HIV, lying, cheating, drug abuse, inability to committ, and a I'm-just-trying-to-get-myself-together story!
I am more than willing to try something different at this point in my life!

PEEEAAACCCEE OUT!

[Trisha Martin]

Actually, I was making light of the whole situation towards the end. No need to get upset for my preferences, to each their very own. Like I said, my SOUL has never desired to be with anyone except for a brother, pardon me. And for the record, I have a wonderful, loving, sensitive to my needs, respectful, helpful, PLEASING brotha in my life. As we are speaking, he's sitting right next to me working on his matching laptop, working on his business that's going to prosper us in the future. If I'm not mistaken, the black man's male ancestors, before he was stolen and colonized and torn from his family was ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS. It wasn't until our cultures were forced to mix that he lost his soul, dignity, self-respect, and self-worth; basically his SELF period. Do you boo and keep it moving. Cause I can ONLY do me. and that's just mi3centsworth.

[Ladie M]

Thanks for the conversation. I never meant to imply anything bad about your man. I pray your relationship is blessed. There are just so many of my sisters settling for live-ins, falseness, lack of ambition all for the sake of skin color. I do a lot of singles conferences and seminars and its just astounding how closed minded so many women of color are despite the stats and facts. I'm on a mission to change that for us single black women by getting them to open up and truly love who they are first and someone else (regardless of race) secondly. I've done the brothas now I', trying the othas and it is wonderful! And...that's just mi3centsworth!

Peace to you my sis!

[Trisha Martin]

No problem, it's all good. Yes, there are a whole lot of closed minded people on a lot of different things. We must broaden our horizens. But one thing I'm sure you already know is...regardless of the skin tone, there is good, bad and ugly in the male species. Some women have disregarded the whole male species and turned to each other for whatever reasons. There's just so much in life to deal with and you choose your own battles. That's great that you have chosen to focus on this area. They say that variety is the spice of life; live on and long my sister. Hey, hey, hey, I got the 3cents, you can give 4cents. (smile) Peace to you as well.