New Relationships

[Nicholle]

What types of things do you look for at the beginning of new relationships?

Are there any specific guidelines you have? Which ones have helped? Which ones have not been helpful?

Once you've identified a prospective "mate" or "partner" how do you proceed?

[Trisha Martin]

Make sure that the person does not have the same negative characteristics as some other loser you were with
Make sure you're on the same page spiritually
Make sure you can communicate openly with this person
Make sure they don't have habits that you know you can't tolerate
Make sure you're not going to be trying to change this person into someone or something they are not
Make sure you have similar ideas and ideals about basic things in life

[Gina Marie]

Hey Trisha...
I can second those emotions...lol! But in all seriousness. YES I have experienced EVERY one of those mistakes...especially the last man I was with. It started out on the same page...but ended up in the Epilogue...!
We USED to communicate, but recently...NOT
He really didn't have too many habits that I couldn't tolerate.
Change...NO it never happens..One thing you must realize is that your partner is the way they are...and they are usually set in their ways of thinking, doing things, etc. You need to ACCEPT them for who they are...change will only happen if THEY want to change...not you.
Yes, the basics are important too...because in the long run in a relationship...they are the FOUNDATION of building a strong relationship...Trust, Honesty, Loyalty, Caring, and Loving.

[Nicholle]

Hey Trisha,

Thanks for replying. These are the BASICS that we sometimes forget about when we fall head over heels in love. I'm not there (head over heels) yet, and I do intend on proceeding ever so slowly so that I can take all of what you are saying into consideration. Thanks!

[Trisha Martin]

No problem sister. You ask, I lend an ear (fingers). Take care.

[Aundrea]

Hey Nicholle, here are just a few ....

Does he have a good relatioship with his family, Mother, Father, Siblings or is there alot of drama and past hurt.
Did he have a good role model in his life, if not his father then someone that taught him how to be a good MAN!
Does he have good relationship with other people
Does he believe in paying his bills and good credit
Any baby momma drama? Any children and by how many women?
Character
Honesty
God fearing
How he treats me, and how special he makes me feel
What are his thoughts on cheating
His views on women in general, some men think women are beneath men (run) lol!!!
Just a few that I use ... and definitely the ones that Trisha mentioned, what has not helped?
rating him on ...

How tall he is
His good looks
How much money he makes
What he does for a living
Where he lives

These things do matter but are superficial and does little to create a healthy loving uplifting relationship
oh, for me anyway! (lol)

[Gina Marie]

Aundrea...I am sorry lady but I have to have a chuckle when I read your 5th item....

.......Any baby momma drama? Any children and by how many women?

That should have been the red flag...when he started telling me about his ex wife...(years ago), then the hooker he almost married (he claims he never knew she was a 'lady of the night'?? (that one lasted 3 1/2 years...coincidental time isn't it...that is how long we were together too before we broke up), then there was the one in S Carolina, GA, NY...and on and on you know...and also the strange thing about this is ...the WOMEN DUMPED HIM...! That should REALLY have sent up a RED flag....! Oh well../'nuff said...lol! You get the picture with MY big mistake...lol!

[Gina Marie]

I AM VERY VERY CAUTIOUS NOW...

I HATE TO SAY THIS BECAUSE I AM NOT BRAGGING, BUT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH LOSERS IN THE PAST FEW YEARS...

Here are my examples...(the actual men shall remain nameless)
One guy was so full of himself...he thought he was God's Gift to Women....NOT
Another guy, was very very controlling. to the point that he smothered me
Another guy, always was trying to make me something I was not...and he was always a complainer...like I never did anything good.. (except when it came to the boudoir...of course)


If you are a candidate for me to even consider..going out with and eventually starting a relationship with...

Here are MY qualifications...
Dont be full of yourself
Be honest. open, caring and attentive to your woman
KNOW HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN
So what if you are not the GQ or ESSENCE man on the cover...
you must have a good heart, be responsible and by that i mean FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE HAVE A GOOD JOB...!
You must be able to support your woman should she either decide she is not going to work (have children)..or if she becomes too ill to work..etc.
Don't be a PLAYA and a LIYA
Damn...i better stop...
Y'all get the message???

[Nicholle]

Hey Ladies,

Thank you so much for all of your input. I am going V E R Y slowly, and just watching him, listening to what he says, and finding out what he likes/need/wants....

I will definitely keep you all posted. Any more advice? I am open to hearing it!